(No) Sleep diary

22 February, 2007

It’s hard to get things done when you don’t get enough sleep. Last night I had five hours. Partly because I had a late shower, and post-shower always takes a while when you have chronic psoriasis. I believe I should officially self-diagnose a compulsive disorder: chronic sleep avoidance. Knowing the time. Knowing I should get to bed NOW. Knowing I’ll pay and in fact already lagged from the previous five years of sleep deprivation.

Maybe it’s like alcoholism, and the behaviour worsens when I feel vulnerable, lonely or depressed. I had a brief conversation with my best-and-only last night. She had PMS (or PMT, whatever) and I could hear her being a bitch to her new dog and to her boyfriend. She was restrained with me, but I felt I couldn’t say anything without getting my head bitten off, and so I terminated the conversation. Maybe a happy conversation about puppies would have got me off to bed earlier? Dunno. Maybe it’s just an excuse.

But when you reach the point where you don’t have enough energy to play a video game or even read a book, you know you have problems. Or you should. Is self-knowledge all that is needed to change maladjusted behaviour patterns? I guess not. But then, what is the magic ingredient? ‘Cos if it’s moral support, I’m shit outa luck.

I don’t usually write in this style. Must be a symptom of sleep deprivation.